Yesterday was the day that we celebrated my grandmother and my cousin's birthday (which is actually today). I don't know why but for some reason, all these parties keep happening at my house, and I don't have any choice but to "mingle!" I try...I do, but I wound up getting lectured on how I was being rude when I was watching NASCAR on tv in mute. I guess I was just trying to get away from the overstimulation of the sensory stuff...people laughing loudly, more and more different people arriving, the commotion and noise in the kitchen, all the brightly colored decorations, the tearing of birthday paper...etc. It was all EXTREMELY overstimulating me to the point where I found myself sitting on the couch in the family room (away from everyone else) and watching the cars go around the track over and over...then trying to figure out which car had caused a big crash...I think it was Sadler, but I am not sure. I didn't even notice that the volume was off. This happens a lot when there are major changes in my daily routine, or at parties where things are hurting my ears and my eyes...having to hug everyone that came over, and once again when they left. I just ended up zoned out in front of the tv as far away as I could without being rude. I didn't even realize it! I, once again, had to go to sleep early, before the party was over, as I needed to have a little fit in my room before falling asleep. I don't know if this happens for a certain reason...like why have I not outgrown my inabilities to tolerate stimuli--especially an overload of it?
I don't understand what is appropriate to do in these situations...I don't really understand why I still have meltdowns...What age am I supposed to be emotionally and socially for my actual age, all things considered? Will I ever be on my own? Will I even graduate college? I just know what is. I just know what it is like for me...I can't be in anyone else's place to see how they deal with things. It is making me greatly frustrated to not comprehend why I am so alone in this fight.
1 comment:
well there are a lot of questions always....hang in there and trust me when I say this....you are not alone out there. There are many who have many similar issues you have and they have to figure out ways to deal with them too! I personally don't see anything wrong with you having to go watch TV even with the sound down while everyone else was doing their thing. I would hope your family would be more tolerant and understanding of your needs.
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